IC Contact

[bitcher]

You've reached the voicemail of: Tobias Beecher.

Please leave your message after the tone.

Comments

voicemail, the day after SOMEONE hung up on him

[liprings]

[ there's a moment of silence, and then a(n obviously faked) dramatic sob. it builds to a low wail, and... then continues in that vein for about 45 seconds. if Tobias actually manages to get through all that, at the very end it stops abruptly, replaced by a very smug-sounding Jan: ]

Day one, bitch.

[ and he's out. ]

more voicemails!! pretend i was on time.........

[liprings]

[ 13th: This one starts out with the same wailing, but only goes for 40 seconds before he suddenly cuts off into, apparently, arguing with someone, and the call cuts out. ]

[ 14th: Today our hero starts gamely into the wailing sobs, but at about 30 seconds in, he loses interest entirely. The next 3 minutes will be a long, rambling story about the time he and Luke (domestic partner? brother? friend he's super dependent on? hard to tell) nearly got arrested trying to dispose of a body, but ended up escaping to Guatemala with three hookers for cover. ]

[ 15th: He starts the call having forgotten, apparently, that it's supposed to be about wailing, and just gets straight to an even longer, more tangent-filled ramble about another hooker adventure, filled with at least 20 different female names. They repeat a few times, and he seems to be making them up as he goes. Right at the end he remembers to do 20 seconds of loud crying. ]

[ 16th: Now he's just talking about whales. Not even any crying pretense, but he keeps calling them "bitches of the sea", and there's no discernible point to this ramble. ]

[liprings]

[ today, Jan doesn't wait for voicemail! he hangs up when it starts. then calls back again. and again. and again. and again.

do you pick up, mr beecher?? ]